Speedy Holiday Season Syndrome

Ever had Speedy Holiday Season Syndrome? You probably have and don’t even know it.

Have you looked down on the calendar again and found it to be less than 12 days until Christmas and haven’t put up your tree, lights, or any decorations whatsoever? (Check.)

Try this: Underneath that non-existent Christmas tree, are there any presents? (Nyet.)

Have you lost track of time because you’ve heard Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas Is You” too many times? (Absolutely.)

Are you struggling to stop saying Happy Thanksgiving two weeks into December? (Ummm, I think I haven’t?)

Ooh, here’s a fun symptom: Are you tired earlier than normal because it gets dark at 5 p.m.? (Sleep? What is that?)

You might be suffering from Speedy Holiday Season Syndrome or SHSS.

Cures include milk and sugar cookies, spending 3 hours in Walmart two days before Christmas buying everyone’s gift cards at once and cranking up your local radio station featuring 24-7 holiday music, and forgetting the concept of time altogether because it still feels like it is 2020.

Side effects include a sudden obsession with saving gift bags for next year, cussing at the last-minute untangling of lights before family unexpectedly arrives on Christmas Eve for a visit in 30 minutes, and weight gain from eating all the candy in Grandma’s dish after visiting with your cousin in the garage.

Consult with your local mall Santa if you think you’re suffering from Speedy Holiday Season Syndrome.