No such thing as ‘first annual’ or ‘week zero’

Look, I get it. Grammar nazis are not fun people to be around, especially when they do it for a living.

Usually, I keep my trap shut about issues revolving around language due mainly to the fact that I write so much and type faster than most people can think that I am as prone as any other person in the world to make grammatical or spelling mistakes. Surely that run-on sentence is justification enough for you to understand my thinking then as to the role of the grammar nazi in life. They are the “do as I say, not as I do” crowd.

However, the recurrence of certain phrases annoys me to the point that I believe should be completely wiped from the vocabulary of contemporary Americans and English speakers worldwide for the betterment of the species.

Such as: “First Annual” or “Week Zero.”

Time is one of those strange properties of language where the past, present, and future tenses sometimes get entangled in English and phrases make you scratch your head and go “what?” but are commonly used by folks out there without a second thought.

I run into the phrase “first annual” the most in my profession. Its ongoing use has been joined in recent years by football writers of the concept of “Week Zero” of the season. Both of these phrases make me believe that people just don’t understand concepts of time in marketing departments across the globe.

For instance, the use of “first annual.”

Now first annual should never be used for the simple reason that if an event is being held for the first time, it can’t be annual. Who knows yet if the organizers will be justified in their decision to hold the next event at the same time each year. You should instead be saying “first ever” for the simple reason that it is the first event of its kind you are organizing. For instance: “First Annual Duck Race” is wrong. “First Duck Race” or “The first-ever Johnson Creek Duck Race” would be correct.

You can use “Second Annual” and such after since the event has recurred, or at least been scheduled for the following calendar year.

I can’t get it to catch on despite my complaints to local leaders who are in charge of organizing and naming things (small towns have a cadre of around 1,000 people who do everything despite whatever other population lives around the area.)

Whenever I see it, I know that Strunk and White are rolling in their graves.

It is worse when I see “Week Zero,” an invention of college football writers at ESPN in order to describe some matchups that happen before the blue-bloods and major conferences get their seasons underway. For instance, this year Navy played Notre Dame in Ireland for a Week Zero game.

Now let me ask you, do you count zero in time when you are counting up or down in Hide and Seek? Is there a Zero Day at the start of the year I’m not aware of out there? There is no Year Zero between BC and AD, a distinction that by the by happened HUNDREDS OF YEARS after the events conspired around the changing of calendars and the decision by councils to determine the books of the New Testament.

Seriously. This is the kind of thing that makes me smack my head and go “why?”

So please for the sake of future generations of speakers of the English language: stop using First Annual, never use Week Zero, and pay attention to the time. It is good to be punctual when possible.